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Natalie's Rap 2.0 (Uncensored Version)

This is a sequel to the Natalie Rap from SNL (2006): https://youtu.be/-A0iftflme4
SNL clean version official post: https://youtu.be/QS8bma7LRX4
We wrote the song, but this was directed/edited by SNL people in NYC. (We shot Andy in LA). Full story here: http://www.vulture.com/2018/02/andy-samberg-on-snl-natalie-portman-rap-sequel.html
LYRICS:
INTERVIEW 1

BECK: Weā€™re here today with film star, Natalie Portman. Now Natalie, the last time you were here things got a little out of control.
NATALIE: Yeah, well I was going through a really weird time then, but Iā€™ve matured a lot.
BECK: Why donā€™t you fill us in on what itā€™s like to be you?
NATALIE: Okay, ya bish.
BECK: Iā€™m sorry, what?

VERSE 1

YEAH
PORT-MAN, PORT-MAN, PORT-MAN, PORT-MAN, PORT-MAN, PORT-MAN
FUCKED YOUR HUSBAND AND HIS BEST FRIEND JUST FOR SPORT-MAN
YOU KNOW ITS CLICKBAIT- CLICKBAIT- CLICKBAIT
PUT A DILDO ON A SWITCHBLADE-SWITCHBLADE-SWITCHBLADE
XANIES DISSOLVING IN MY PINOT
MY MAN DANCE BUT HEā€™S NOT A BALLERINO
YEAH, HE TWINKLE HIS TOES
BUT HE GIVE ME GOOD D THO
WRAP A GOOD BURRITO
TIDE PODS ONLY FUCKING THING I SNACK ON
BLACK OUT AND GO MUTHA FUCKIN BLACK SWAN
MY BRAIN GONE OFF THAT FUCKIN AYAHUASCA, BOY
TELL YOUR TOURIST PARENTS Iā€™MA TURN YOU TO A FOSTER BOY

INTERVIEW 2

BECK: Wow, gotta say, it seems like youā€™re almost exactly the same but with current references.
NATALIE: Untrue. Iā€™m a mother now. Itā€™s really changed my perspective.
BECK: And do you find it difficult juggling kids and career?
NATALIE: You can juggle these nuts.
BECK: What?

VERSE 2

I DONā€™T DANCE NOW
I MAKE MOMMY MOVES
WHEN I GAVE BIRTH
I DIDNā€™T E-VEN PUSH
I WAS BLAZED OUT/ SMOKIN BOMB KUSH
AND WHEN MY WATER BROKE
YOU KNOW IT DROWNED THE DOCTOOOOORRR
THEY SAY Iā€™M SEX POSITIVE/
HELL YEAH Iā€™M POSITIVE/
THAT YOUā€™RE GOING DOWN WHILE Iā€™M BUMPING ā€œMY PREROGATIVEā€
TELL ME WHYYYYY!
HA, I GUESS Iā€™M SHOWIN MY AGE
NOW BEND OVER AND SPREAD EM CUZ YOU ABOUT TO GET FUCKED
KENAN: Damn

INTERVIEW 3

BECK: Fascinating stuff. Now I have to ask, Natalie, have you seen the new Star Wars movies?
NATALIE: No.
BECK: Oh well theyā€™re really good. Theyā€™re much better thenā€”
NATALIE: Better than what?
BECK: ā€¦ Shit–

BRIDGE

SAY SOMETHING BOUT THE MOTHERFUCKING PREQUELS, BITCH(ALEX: They were good)SAY SOMETHING FUCKIN NICE ABOUT JAR JAR BINKS(ALEX: Uh, heā€™s tall)
NOW KISS HIM RIGHT ON HIS SEVENTEEN DICKS
(ALEX: What?!)
WHILE I SIT DEAD ON YOUR FACE AND TAKE A SHIT!

CARL THE VIKING:

OOH NATALIE
(NATALIE: YEAH?)
PLEASE COME MEET YOUR BABY
HE CRIES HIMSELF TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT
(NATALIE: THAT LITTLE SHIT AINā€™T MINE!)

OOH NATALIE
(NATALIE: WHAT??)
ITS BEEN 12 LONG YEARS
(NATALIE: SHUT THE FUCK UP!)
AND Iā€™M 7 DAYS SOBER I SWEAR ON HIS LIFE
(NATALIE: YOUā€™RE A MESS, CARL)

INTERVIEW 4

BECK: Ok! Well thatā€™s all the time we have. Natalie, one last question: Do you think those ā€œTimes Upā€ pins have had the impact you were hoping for–
NATALIE: Howā€™s that for impact?
BECK: Well, actually–
NATALIE :No more questions.
(END)